Seeratq8iya سيرة كويتية

Where Can You Find Esperanza

2011-09-25T07:33:00.001+03:00

If you liked my writings and was following it I here announce that I have officially moved to a new blog
that only contains my writings:

Esperanza Writes

There I am on a mission to write. I write and you enjoy to the max. n_n

Please check it out and make sure to follow my twitter page for updates.

May Allah bless you.

This is it

2011-08-28T18:57:00.000+03:00

I came across many scenarios to come up with this post. I tried with funny like: I got abducted by aliens... But.... Exhale... Inhale .. Try once again Esperanza Once again. I knew everything comes with an end. I knew this blog has to come with an end, I thought the end of it would be my death. I'm still alive and this blog is ending once and for all. This blog has been my dear friend that never failed me.. It was and is my dairy throughout my four years of blogging. It's hurting me to leave it I wish I could come with a wicked explanation as if why I am leaving it.. I'm lost with words.. Words for once cannot serve me well here. I might come back again in the far future but that is just a possibility. The desicion has been made. And all is left is to: Thank all who have gone with me in the blogging journey. To thank all who supported me and thought well of me. To kiss this blog farewell. And to say my farewells. Goodbye amigos. Adios my friends. It was a great journey with you. Sigh... Teardrops... Let's hope for a better future for all of us. -an ex-blogger.. And a future writer.

Summer's list Item #20. Start a collection (CROSSED)

2011-08-25T00:36:00.000+03:00

To tell you the truth this item from the Summer's List started a long time ago years I mean, but it expanded after I've written it on the list. As you see I have this thing for Mugs every time I see any I just have the urgency to buy them (I hold myself a lot of times though).

My "I am a daughter" mug I just bought.

My "Bear Hug" Mug sooo CUTE!!! I had since like 2 years ago I think.

"A World Without Coffee is like sleepwalking" also I just bought didn't use yet.

My panda mug. Now that Mug I had since almost two years ago ..

Once I saw it, it reminded me of my nephew whom I call Tcho Tcho (yeshbaha) ;pP

A portable mug this is like the best portable mug I've ever used

It has a lock (below) and I even put it in my purse while it contains some coffee

and it wouldn't spill at all. And guess what? It keeps it warm for HOURS.

Got it from City Center elshwaikh i think.

Kinda funkish mug

The now trendy Canon lens mug

A mug of the lengend "Audrey Hepburn" (just bought also)

My "Crazy Cat Lady" mug I bought almost 4 years ago the oldest of the collection.

This one is the most valuable to me I bought it from Bahrain suvioner shop. I got four of the same design mug (but different writings) and I had one and distributed the other 3 to my three Best Friends.

I'm not sure if it considered a mug but I found those and I couldn't help but

buy them so CUTE.

Now I need a case for them..

And soon I'll be buying this mug:

The "La Femme" mug she looks so adorable, but I had just bought 3 mugs on that day.

Will be coming back for her. <3

P.s: I also collect notebooks for personal writings, was going to include them but thought mugs alone are enough.

-A writer from the future.

A Letter from the Future

2011-08-25T00:11:00.000+03:00

I received a letter from the future. At first it wasn't believable to me but I somehow believed it and I... well read the letter and it might help you understand:

Dear Esperanza,
This may sound abnormal but I'll try to make it sound as realistic as I could. I am here a person from the future which happens to be a successful writer. Yes to make it more clearer I am a writer from the future which also happens to be the same person that is reading this letter. You and I are the same person. I came to inform you that yes you had made it to your dreams successfully and I .. we are working on this success by still being passionate about it.
I am also sending this letter to inform you that I'm taking over this blog... or somehow your future is taking over this blog... This blog will no longer be signed as (-An ex-patient on the go) it has a negative impact and I want you to look forward to the future you. Which is me right now.
So from today onward I'm and I say it again am taking over your blog and assigning it to (-A writer from the future.)
I'm sorry but this is for the best.
Yours Truly,
Your Future self.

P.s: I'd like to thank Saad from Sa3adtrips on suggesting that I change my signature for it will have a negative impact on me in the long way term. Thanks a million.

-A Writer from the Future.

Used Bookstores

2011-08-23T01:19:00.000+03:00

I came across TWO not one used bookstores you can buy from, YET I never did try any of them but sharing is caring.. or yeah you get the point right?

This (Link) is a bookstore were you would actually view online and then reserve the books you want then it is yours to pick up until a certain time, then it is no longer yours if you are late (you'll receive an email of confirmation and such).

The other bookstore read it here on Desert Girl's blog. Which is basically both a used bookstore and a cafe with other qualities it's all in the blog.

-An ex-patient on the go.

Dear Dairy

2011-08-22T03:50:00.000+03:00

Dear Dairy,
My words, my thoughts, my emotions ...all lies within you..
You hear me as nobody could..
You help me resolve the problems and thoughts I go through..
Even though no words escapes you...
And even though I neglect you at times.. many times that is..
You are still there...
Just as where we left out ...
Just to hear from me more...
Loyal as you are...
You never disappoint me...
You behold the tales of my life....

Yours Truly,
The holder of this pen.

I saw this picture that is taken by Sara Al-Rayes and I couldn't help but fall in love with it mashAllah. Thanks Sara for allowing me to use it.

-An ex-patient on the go.

How Acceptable is that?

2011-08-21T23:17:00.001+03:00

I've been thinking on a lately bases ... or most probably in a long term bases.....

instead of this happening:

This would happen?

What I mean is (and when I speak I mean in the terms of the "Kuwaiti" society) what if a girl finds a qualified man, not perfect cause nobody is perfect.. but meets up to that certain girl standards, this is the best a guy could be and would certainly meet up with her families standards.
Nothing of love but the girl knows that this is the guy she would love to be with in her future. Can she propose? Ask him to marry her? To ask her hand from her father?
What will the guy's thoughts would be? Will he think low of this girl?
Will this be ok?
I've heard one story that worked out that way... but what about the rest? Could it work out?
Can it be possible?
If I happen to ask a guy to marry me (not that there is any in mind it's just a thought) would he say yes?
Your thoughts please....

-An ex-patient on the go.

You're Late for Your Flight

2011-08-21T20:27:00.000+03:00

One of the things that I feel grateful for is the subject I took through my eight years in middle-high school (mainly talks about how to deal with life and such).
This is something I learned from it and I would gladly add my own words and share them with my readers.
Let's all view together this scenery ok? Alright ... here we go.
You have booked this trip to this bizarre place you wanted to, since ages ago. And today is your flight, you wake up late and you late to your flight. You quickly drive to the airport and run with your luggage. And "BAM" you bump into someone, that someone is then throws in a bunch of rude comments. What do you do?
You've got two choices:

You can stand there and reply with a rudder comment. And start a fight while there is only a couple minutes to spare to the late flight. Hence, your missing on the flight.
Or you could simply ignore and retreat to your path and catch the flight of your dreams.

I know I would go for number two that's a sure thing. I wouldn't I repeat wouldn't waste such an opportunity that I've waiting for since forever for a, and I put into quotation, "Stupid" "Worthless" thing.

This is life the flight is your goal you've set up for yourself. The rude person is all the obstacles, negative things, along with actually people who put you down in a way or another. Don't waste your time on such things.

Everything is worthless, a small trifle to your life when there is a divine place to go to.

Think about it...

-An ex-patient on the go.

Mirrors Before Others

2011-08-20T01:22:00.000+03:00

This is one of the post where it actually started as an angry rant between myself and I (surprise surprise!) and all I could see is yes I've been through this and this is just another way to let it out here.

"MIRRORS" people!! MIRRORS =YOURSELF

OTHERS= OTHER people

*takes a breath*

sorry let's start again..

Dear People (some not all),
When you look at other's faults and imperfections does it make you perfect? Or are you born perfect?
Take a second to think....
.........
.........
I ask again look at the mirror.. Do you see yourself flawless?
If No, then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CRITICIZING OTHERS???
If Yes, nobody is flawless go re-evaluate yourself.
Be busy with dealing with your imperfections,
say to yourself "I am too busy to see my flaws to pay attention to other's flaw".
I'm still with loving yourself and not seeing the bad in yourself..
BUT ..
Don't criticize others. It is not good for you (everything will be held against you) nor is it good for others.
Look for beauty in people and stop every negative look about them.
Now here is a polite request......
Please,
Pretty Please consider this...

Thank you!
Lots of love,
A Victim of Criticism

-An ex-patient on the go.

Al-Talbeneh

2011-08-19T17:17:00.000+03:00

I keep hearing about the Talbeneh (which is actually one of the wheat products produced). It is one of the Prophets (PBUH) recommendation for health and one of the many illnesses.
One of the many things it cures that caught my attention in the whole thing in the first place is "Depression". It is rarely that you hear that a thing you eat actually cures this.

أ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ زَوْجِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنَّهَا كَانَتْ إِذَا مَاتَ الْمَيِّتُ مِنْ أَهْلِهَا فَاجْتَمَعَ لِذَلِكَ النِّسَاءُ ، ثُمَّ تَفَرَّقْنَ إِلا أَهْلَهَا وَخَاصَّتَهَا أَمَرَتْ بِبُرْمَةٍ مِنْ تَلْبِينَةٍ فَطُبِخَتْ ، ثُمَّ صُنِعَ ثَرِيدٌ فَصُبَّتْ التَّلْبِينَةُ عَلَيْهَا ، ثُمَّ قَالَتْ : كُلْنَ مِنْهَا ، فَإِنِّي سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُول : ( التَّلْبِينَةُ مُجِمَّةٌ لِفُؤَادِ الْمَرِيضِ ، تَذْهَبُ بِبَعْضِ الْحُزْنِ ) رواه البخاري ( 5101 ) ومسلم ( 2216 ) .

Now my mom did them the other day in Al-Mhalabiya way. Not being a Mahalbiya fan either I didn't go past a quarter of the spoon, meaning I didn't like it's taste.

There are other ways to make it like a drink (will be giving the link later). It is also written in the Al-Owaid packaging the way of making it and the benefits of it.

Here are the links for more info of the Talbeneh and how to make it: Link Link

-An ex-patient on the go.

Silence

2011-08-19T02:22:00.000+03:00

Silence is a text easy to misread. ~A.A. Attanasio~

When you become sad silence is all you have.

When you become mad silence is all you do.

When you become thoughtful silence is your best friend.

When you want something you ask by your silence.

Sometimes I think talking is not a necessity to me. That if one day I would become mute (or actually born mute) that wouldn't be a problem to me... I don't use that sense that much.

Writing on the other hand became my words.. or actually is my spoken soul.

When it comes to silence I am a master in it but when it comes to saying words.. well it's not I don't find myself in it but I rarely do find myself in it.

I don't know what to do with my silence.

Sometimes it's my profound enemy.

-An ex-patient on the go.

The Story of the Blind Man

2011-08-18T16:17:00.000+03:00

We were just done from performing "Omra" and we were on our way heading to the hotel. We see this old guy which was saying something to practically no one. When you see him you could that he has no eyes and his eyelids appear to be melted.

My mom went to him and asked him if he wanted something? Could she help him with anything? (So proud of you mom Love you <3) He said only wants to be lead to a certain gate, there they pass out some food for su7oor.

While we walked with him my mom conversed with him and he told us his story:
He is from Yemen one day climbing the hills he found a bomb that exploded in his face and made him blind from that moment onward.
He is here today alone in Mecca performing "Omra" for one of his parents and the next day he will perform "Omra" for his other parent.
My mom asked him how do you get around? Don't you get lost? He said that he never gets lost he always finds someone who helps him (sub7an Allah the unity of people is amazing).
Then we found a place for him to eat.

(picture below)

I couldn't help thinking that he is blind and he is old and yet he doesn't neglect doing something for his parents and we as healthy as we could be we do neglect in many times.
عسى أن أبر بوالدي كما ينبغي

-An ex-patient on the go.

I Got Tagged!!

2011-08-18T03:31:00.000+03:00

I am tagged by my dear friend and fellow blogger BerooQ8 thanks honey ;**

Here goes:

Available : Yes

Age: 20

Animals: Dogs, kittens, hedgehogs, horses, rabbits, chicks and the list goes on.

Beer: Strawberry non-alcoholic beer.

Best Friends: 3 and i miss them so much.

Body Part on opposite sex: depends on the person himself.. nothing specific

Best feeling in the world: when doing something good for someone and mean it. and see the happiness in their eyes.

Best weather: when there is cold breeze.

Been in Love: Yes.. but the person doesn't exist.

Been on stage: Yeah, in a school play.

Believe in Magic: yes

Believe in Santa: I believe there are givers out there.. santa is what they call an exemplary form of those people

Brand: nothing specific

Candy: gummy bears, Candy Corn

Color: Apple Green

Chocolate/Vanilla: ice cream: vanilla.. other sweets:chocolate

Chinese/Indian/Italian: Italian

Cake or pie: cake

Cheese: Adore!!

Day or Night: Night

Dancing in the rain: I'd Love to!!!

Eyes: When it glistens it's like twinkling stars.. just don't get lost in them.

Ever failed a class: two FAs and one F in college

Enemies: I think I just started to have haters.. identity: Unknown

Exercise: Sleeping and reading (sadly ;pP)

First thoughts waking up: Is my sister up?

Food: Foodie by heart <3

Greatest Fear: To not accomplish my goals

Get along with your parents: Hopefully

Hair Color: black with a shade of red from henna

Happy:El7mdelAllah

Holiday: Italy... (I wish)

Ice Cream: Tropical Ice

Jewelry: Rings

Job: Unemployed

Kids: hopefully one day.. I want twin girls <3

Kickboxing or karate: Karate

Keep a journal: yes.. but mostly my blog is my journal so Hello to the mighty world of the drama queen!

Love: something a miracle that exists within it... an unexplainable word.

Laughed so hard you cried: Mostly whenever when I'm with my sisters.

Milk flavor: I don't like milk anymore.

Movies: Romance, tragic mostly...I love modern disney movies too

Motion sickness: Long car rides, and visiting hospitals

Number: 9

One wish: To be there

Perfect Pizza: Papa John's BBQ chicken+pineapple+ ranch sauce+ketchup = heaven

Pepsi/Coke: Coke I guess

Perfume/Cologne: Perfume

Quail: not my first choice

Reason to cry: lama akon mi7tara, when someone gives me a straight bold no, and about everything makes me cry

Reality T.V: Oprah maybe

Radio Station: 99.7

Song: many every time i have a favorite.. currently "Skyscraper" by Demi

Shoe size: use to be 40-41 but now 39

Salad Dressing: thousand island maybe

Strawberries/Blueberries: strawberries

Sport: I used to be play basketball.. been a long time

Sex: there is female and there is male ... and I'm a female.. w Allaho a3lam shno ga9dkum ;pP

Tattoos: if it was 7alal i wouldve had one with Esperanza or Hope on it..bs 7aram ;pP

Thunderstorms: powerful... we should be like them

Unpredictable: I even suprise myself

Vacation spot(s): the world

Weakness:anything and everything... but mostly sick people, literally sick

Who makes you laugh the most:P: My sisters

Worst Weather: Hot, Humid, dusty, << Beroo's answer too

X-Rays: X-rays, scans, CT scans, sonars, you name them. It's all in the cabinet.

Year it is now: 2011

Yellow: the color of the sun.

Zoo animal: monkeys are one of them and so are lions. It's either in there or into the wild.

I tag every blog reader here and I MEAN IT ;pP

-An ex-patient on the go.

Summer's list Item #13. Go to Mecca (CROSSED)

2011-08-17T20:19:00.003+03:00

The joy, the excitement to cross this item from my "Summer's List" is unexplainable. No words could really spell out the feeling I have but I'll modestly try to.

Once I saw Mecca again I was allured by the exquisite scene. "Omra" wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. It's true that once you see the crowd from the T.V. or far away pictures you see the crowd and you think "How am I going to survive this crowd?" but truth to be told once you are a part of the crowd you no longer feel the pressure. As normal as any time Omra could be. I really didn't feel tired and I barely broke a sweat. My flat foot and back pains didn't act up until I was entirely done from the whole Omra procedure and it barely hurt. It was as we say it "Sahalat" el7mdeAllah".

Seeing people all around as if they are forming a one whole body, going in the same current and being part of it was magnificent. It's a miracle of miracles to see such a thing forming.

(Please be assorted with the pictures and comments Enjoy!)

As we got to Mecca someone was throwing food or drinks on the poor people. Some scene was it.

We arrived the hotel just in time of the Athan.

We had lunch boxes from the plane so we suited ourselves with them then prayed then went to the buffet.

The Buffet

Praying after "Ma8am Ibrahim" after circling the Ka'aba

Can you see the crowd? We barely felt it.

Zamzam Water

Beside Zamzam water a cleaner stands.

And we are done from performing the Omra and all is left is cutting our hair

it was about 3-4 el-fajer so we had su7oor then we cut our hair.

(I cut my hair more then I really wanted to so I guess when I go get the cut fixed it'll be shorter ;pP)

We got ourselves lines in the next day.

Here wanted to go to Tarawee7 but it was so full we barely made it inside

Every time we sat at a place the police and watchers (I don't know what they are called) kept telling us to go at another place. By that time I was really tired and I can't stand so I kept sitting and I prayed while sitting.

This was in the third day I decided not to go to tarawee7 and save my energy for 6awaf later on. You could see it was getting really full by the crowd praying inside the mall.

Charley's Chedder Fries (not bad)

Basking Robins' "Tropical Ice" I practically fell in LOVE with it, sadly this flavor doesn't exist in Kuwait.

After my last 6waf. I felt so much like crying I didn't have enough of this place.

I wanted to stay more :(

Time to go

Saw those Red Roses in the entrance while leaving I was on the urge to steal some "estghaferlAllah" ;pP

The guards Desk (maku sh'3l ga3d nan6er)

The Bus that took us to the airport (did I mention that we were 10 people who went to Omra?)

The Bus driver the MOST TALKATIVE person I have ever EVER met!!!! MashAllah

He literally wouldn't stop talking the WHOLE drive to the airport.

bs dama 5afeef ;pP (I slept the most time, well I usually sleep in all rides either car or plane ;pP)

Athan while we were in the car so he and my brother had their fo6oor out side.

And we had our Samboosa's and whatever 5arabee6 we had.

By that time we were too full to order fo6oor.

Sleepy head ;pP

Meet Fredrico who pushed my granny's wheelchair :)

The below is a short video I took of crowd in Mecca during tarawee7.

Sorry for the low quality.

الحمدالله الذي بنعمته تتم الصالحات
-An ex-patient on the go

I'll Be Back

2011-08-12T16:13:00.000+03:00

Finally I'll be fulfilling the most important item on the list which is going to Mecca, tomorrow on the 13th inshAllah.

I know that it's going to be difficult considering the crowded place nowadays and my fragile body, but it is an opportunity that I don't know when it will repeat itself. I would be stupid if I let this go. I've been wanting to go there for centuries, actually since I first got out of the hospital one year ago and it kept being postponed, until this day.
I'm actually tearing from the joy that I will actually be going there and seeing the sacred land again.
I'll be back in 3 days after...
Ade3eelkum inshAllah.. tamroon 3ala shay?
أستودعكم الله الذي لا تضيع وداعئه

-An ex-patient on the go.

I Want to be a Motivator

2011-08-11T00:53:00.000+03:00

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.

John Quincy Adams

Now here is the thing I believe everybody is a motivator in a way or another. Without them knowing it sometimes. Their actions and what they have achieved even in it's simplest form. I also believe that people need motivation regardless their situation. A motivation to step forward, to get away from their misery, or any kind of motivation people NEED it.
For a while now I've been thinking about the option of being a motivator. I'm feeling this huge duty on being one. I like to motivate others. That does not mean also that I'm moving away from my prior goal which is to be a "Novelist". Here is this thing I don't know how to start and what to do... and yet another thing is I do try to motivate others but sometimes I do fail on doing so and I think maybe this is not my calling to do so.
I concluded on ONE thing though: in order to be a motivator you have to be an achiever (I'm speaking of myself). I'll do my best to motivate anybody here on my blog. After all this is my biggest powerful tool in my current situation.
Please be noted that: I'm also Human I have my own slips, agonies, and drama life. Just help me through this take the good sides and leave the bad ones for me to deal with.

Thank you!
Lots of Love

-An ex-patient on the go.

How Do You Know You've Read a Good Book?

2011-08-10T00:34:00.001+03:00

I saw a certain picture (below) that made me think: What is it that makes a good book a GOOD book? I only can speak of fictional books because that is what I mostly read.

While you are reading the book:
You get so intimate. The only thing you feel like doing is finishing this book because you are so engaged. You feel like you are the main character meaning you are living the incidents to the core you portray the character. Like you are somewhere else. And anyone who dares to interrupt would either be either: 1. ignored 2. washed back with a rude "leave me alone" comment 3. get quick not thought of replies which could be unpleasant.
You feel the remaining pages are not enough to end the story.
After Reading:
You feel bummed, lost, and as if you have lost a dear so dear friend.

You feel like this picture (Link)
You get thoughtful for a while and you don't feel like talking to anyone. All you want is to be left alone. And when you sleep you feel like having a dream involving this book's contents.

All this is what I call a definition of a GOOD BOOK!! In fact a GREAT book.
Sadly I didn't come across this kind of book in a long time. Maybe because I have been slacking off.
I remember the last time I read a good one was when I was in Thailand a year ago in "Bumrungrad" hospital when I didn't have anything to do and I was reading "The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks I didn't want to stop reading it and I was in tears the whole time (like I needed more tears ;pP)

What is your definition of a good book? and What book do you think as a good book?

-An ex-patient on the go.

You and Her (Short Story) part 1

2011-08-09T01:47:00.000+03:00

Before you read:

There is three points you need to know about this story two I'll mention now and the third I'll mention in part2:

1. That I wrote this story when I was in 11th or 10th grade (can't remember) for a bonus credit. Yet this is not the original one. I don't have the original one so this one is rewritten in a more longer different form.

2. This story is in the Second-person point of view. Meaning you'll see a lot of "YOU's". Link mainly it was not written in the point of view.

Enjoy!

......

You walked the premises of the university and thought about how ordinary your life is, how it became a matter of routine and typicality.

You start your day by skipping breakfast just to make it in time for your first lecture. Running late as usual. Why? Because you were too busy staying up late trying to do last minute homework. Slacking off, also as usual. Scolding yourself for not being advance in time in your work.

Right now you are hoping to get to the lecture hall on time. Hoping that the Professor wouldn't give that usual glare whenever you come right after him, but unfortunately you do come in the hall and he gives the glare and you shamefully sit in one of the chairs in the back as quick as possible. As the Professor begins you open your notebook and doodle with your trail of thoughts taking you away from the lecture itself. You think how the Professor is so boring you barely manage to stay awake. You admonish yourself for taking this elective course and not managing to withdraw it.

You wish you listened to what you overheard from that girl who kept talking about how strict and boring this professor is. And you blush at the thought of this girl. You've had had a crush on her since you've gotten in this faculty. You remember everything how you walked into the building , head down, shy and you weren't looking anywhere but the ground until this swift smell struck you. You inhaled deeply just to analyze it more. Lavender, you think a light Lavender smell, refreshing but attracting defiantly not a cheap perfume. You look up too see the beholder of the perfume and be appealed by the exquisite scene. You see a girl with short black curly hair, big light-brown eyes, pointed nose, flushed cheeks, and full lips. Her face not fully rounded and not fully rectangular but somewhere in between. You see her and think she must've landed from heaven. She notices you looking at her and you look away flushed with embarrassment. After that you just kept seeking her existence anywhere. You...

The Professor is saying something. What's that? A call for a Pop Quiz?! “Great!” You think “could your day get any better?” You sigh and do take wait for the questions of the quiz to be handed to you, wishing it would be easy. But that's only a wish that'll never come true. The questions that you see are like some hieroglyphic symbols, you are unable to solve them. You try to jog your memory but all it could bring up with is a total blank. You decide to spare yourself the trouble of wasting time and give in the paper with nothing written on it and head out.

All you can think about now is the massive headache you are having, your sleepy self and you still have three lectures to attend. You decide you need coffee desperately to kick off this pain and sleepiness.

The rest of the day doesn't go as smoothly as you anticipate it to be. Your homework that you stayed up all night to do wasn't in a correct form and because of that your grade will degrade. There was a test in the other lecture you attended but you forgot all about it. You forgot to bring in your books for the third lecture and the headache is still hanging in there refusing to leave. You decide to cling on to one hope for this day to be better, the site of your crush but no use you didn't find her today. You officially decide that this day is the worst day of your history and go home defeated by destiny.

You set foot in your room, feeling exhausted, barely any energy left from your system and the headache isn't helping much. So you decide to drop yourself on the bed. Not bothering to change your clothes, not bothering doing anything in particular. You go into the deepest sleep you've ever went through, escaping the thought that something is not going right somewhere..

....

You wake up from the sun's rays landing on your face you try to move your face away by hiding it under the pillow but then you realize that you've slept too much. “Wait!” you think. “What time is it?”. You take your mobile phone to see the clock striking one a.m. You get up, absent minded, to the bathroom to wash up. Even though you feel heavy, you think that it's only because you've overdosed in sleep after all it is one a.m.

“ONE A.M.?!” a sudden shock strikes you. “How is it one a.m. when the sun is still out? I must've mistaken the time. Or my phone is acting crazy.” You decide and go check the phone and it does indeed flash 1:00 a.m. on the screen. You look up to the source of the sunlight only to comprehend that the window was on the other side of it's origin.

What is that? The light is coming from the blank wall. It was forming a thin line in an upside down “L” shaped. How is that possible? Are you being delusional? Or are you still sleeping and this is just a dream? You come closer to the wall curious from the sight right in front of you. You see it right before your eyes, you trace your fingers with the light and while you do that the wall opens slightly, showing that it is nothing but a knob-less door. From where did that door come from? Is your brain playing mind tricks on you? You think about pinching at yourself but you think that is just a stupid act and you settle on the feeling of the wall's texture between your finger tips. This feels real enough.

Even though you are scared and frightened by this exotic scene but curiosity made you move forward and be eager to see what is behind this eerie door. With a slow pace you open it afraid of what might appear. Steadily you open it a wider gap then the first one. Every time it widens more light comes in that blinds you. Until you are fully blinded. You block the light with your hand to have a better view of what it is. You step closer ... and closer... more closer... more out of your room and into this place.. until you see more clearly ... You stand there for a second thinking maybe that you have died because what you see right now has only one word: Heaven.

You see an extraordinary garden but you can't really say it's a garden it's far more beautiful then any garden you've seen in your life. An open wide garden that you cannot see the end of it. Flowers such as tulips, roses, orchids and so many more kinds some you know of and some you've seen for the first time. There is probably every form of flowers in this place. All filling up the place as a neat woven three-dimension carpet. Trees intertwined with each other. Branches made a way up forming another garden. You think you haven't seen the “Hanging Gardens of Babylon” in real life but if you did this scene right in front of you would be more significant, more breathtaking, much lovelier. Paths of smooth ceramic land in between the grass. The only thing that makes you shift your gaze from this view is the sound of moving water. You try to find where is that sound coming from only to notice a small stream flowing flawlessly in between your feet. You bend down to see small pebbles that looked so alluring you couldn't resist but take one and admire it's glistening features. You suddenly acknowledge the presence of birds flying over you from branch to branch. You've been in such an awe that you didn't mark the tweeting of the hummingbirds around you. Making a scene of rainbow right above you. With its delicate singing voice. Could this site be any more appealing?

You are so intrigued to see what more this place bring you. You move on choosing a single path to walk on to. You put the pebble in your pocket and deep you go. Until you reach an open room it's walls are made of the grasses and trees themselves. Bouquet like flowers were disseminated everywhere. A small sculpture like fountain is placed in the middle. And there is this harmony playing. A slow, peaceful, quiet melody with an unknown source. It was like the sound was coming from thin air. Everything around you looked magical, it sparkled not glitter sparkle but a gentle sparkle if this is the correct term to explain the view. All you could think is maybe this is the other life. Maybe this is paradise or Utopia. This doesn't look like any other garden you can see in the block near you, nor is this like the parks of fields you see in those marketing places. This is no ordinary Zen garden. This is where the words failed to name. You suddenly feel that your outworn jeans and flannel shirt seems out of place. With this place no typical clothes suits it.

You start thinking about all this. The unexplainable door, the unbelievable vista you must be dead. You keep roaming and viewing, lost in your thoughts until you realize that you must've spent no less then four hours in this place. You can't get enough of it.

Are you supposed to go back? Or this is it? This is the end of it? You get to stay here forever? You decide to experiment and see if the door to your room is still there. You go back to it and it is indeed there no questioning it. You go inside your room and everything seems normal while nothing is normal. You look at the clock unbelievable!! It's 1:00 a.m.!! How could this be? Not one minute more while it felt like more than hours in that place? This is outstanding!! You lay down on the bed, confused and you drift into sleep without noticing. Without feeling as if a spell had been casted on you.

...

You wake up suddenly alerted! Remembering that you drifted to sleep. You look to the right where the door was yesterday and you see... you see nothing but the plain wall! You stare for a while trying to figure out what had happened. You go to the wall and it's how you've seen it any other day. So it was a dream after all? But it seemed so real, so concrete. You shake your head as if by that you can reason out from all this or maybe shake down those thoughts.

You decide to change your clothes you've been in since forever. You take off your shirt drop it on the floor you take off your shirt and let go of it to land on the floor. You hear a thud while it drops. What's that sound? What's in the jeans? Did you happen to leave your phone inside the pocket? You search them. You feel something hard, you take it out and your eyes widen. It's the pebble.. from the garden. You look at it for a while then back to the empty wall, then back at it for another time.

So it was real? There is proof to what you saw. This pebble did not just jump in your pocket out of nowhere. But the door it's no longer there. How is that possible? Could you've taken this pebble from somewhere else and you've forgotten? So many questions it's making your head ache.

It's the weekends and after all what happened you don't feel like going. All you want is to lay down and reason out all of this. Forgetting everything else.

Your mother comes to check on you, worried she didn't see you since yesterday. Is there something wrong with you? You tell her you are fine and that you just have a hint of a headache and you feel like sleeping. It's probably is the flu. You lie but you think it's the only way to explain your abnormal behavior. She says she'll bring lunch to your room and advices you to have aspirin after eating. And she goes out.

You fall asleep the minute she walks out while playing with the pebble. Reality is not making any sense to you now. Maybe dreams would distinguish all this.

To be Continued

-An ex-patient on the go.

I Love Him

2011-08-08T22:13:00.000+03:00

I love him. I love him so dearly from all my heart. From all the will and power my heart has and could give.It is devoted to him. To the extreme.

Even though I'm pretty aware that his current existence is debatable, fictional, questionable, and about everything in between, I do love him.

I'm willing to do everything for him and I accepted him for who he is already.

The thing is, is he going to love me? Is he going to make me do sacrifices knowing the fact that no matter what I'll be obedient, and those sacrifices might be giving up myself. Giving up who I am and what I had in mind for myself.

Most important will he accept me for me?

My part is not questionable I know that I love him. I've been compassionate about him since as long as my memory serves me.

But his part is all that lies in between the lines. The shadow that haunts every arousing thoughts.

No matter what I still have this deep affection for him.

-An ex-patient on the go.

I Miss

2011-08-08T06:55:00.000+03:00

I miss them. I miss her.

-An ex-patient on the go

Different Reasons

2011-08-06T17:47:00.001+03:00

I know that whenever I am being asked if I regret anything I say: No, I don't regret anything. Everything in life is an experience that sums me up, that made me who I am today. So I don't regret anything.
But here is a question I keep asking myself: is it possible that I regret the reasons I made a certain decision upon? This may sound a little confusing and maybe over thought but is it possible that you would've done that decision, you would've take that same certain step that you've taken if time played back itself, but then you would've done it for a different reason. A better reason to make this decision?
I would've .... or I think I am, but is it still the same question as regretting anything?
Just a thought.

-An ex-patient on the go.

11 Ways I Motivate Myself With

2011-08-03T23:55:00.000+03:00

Believe it or not I have certain psychological ways to motivate myself into doing what I want to do, for example motivating myself to write this "Post". Even though I'm not a known figure but I believe simple things leads to extraordinary things:

Set a Goal that you are passionate about: Set a goal right there you wish to achieve you must be passionate about. For example this post is meant to motivate others. I'm truly passionate to motivate others. If there is no passion in the goal that you have set then there is no use for trying to reach that goal.
Choose Words: Choose words that you go by daily bases that motivates you. I for one choose "Hope" and every word meaning that word, "Esperanza" is also a meaning for that word. Keep those words in your mind and make it your motto. Hang it on your mirror if you have to, or anywhere that you always look at.
Look into other's stories: read people's stories how they went through struggles and they got past through them. See how they made something out of them when they were nothing. How other people went to severe cases and got over it. Take Chris Garner for one how did he start with no money sleeping in bathroom stalls and now he is a multi-millionaire. If such people could be go past the struggles why not you?
This isn't the worst case scenario: Whatever you've going through right now that makes you un-motivated, remember that you've been through worse and you have overcame it, why not this time? If this is the worse you've gotten through then go through point #3 again.
Create Supporters: If you don't have supporters in real life, then make them, imagine them see them in front of you as if they are real. Imagine them cheering for you the whole way you are walking and running to your goal. Keep them beside you at all times.
Create Haters: This may sound odd but this is a bigger motivation then supporters. Think about it once you have haters it is just a bigger push to prove yourself in front of those imaginary haters of yours. I might have real haters but I am yet not aware of them. Haters= motivators
Picture it: Once you have pictured how your goal will be and ideal it is you just thrive to push yourself into reaching it and seeing it for real.
If you fail: If you fail then just keep in mind that failure is just a path to success. No success comes out of the first trail (unless it's beginner's luck then that's another story). You have to try again, again and again in order to perfect it.
Do it for yourself: No matter what you try to do, do it for yourself before others. I want to motivate you because I want to feel the satisfaction of motivating others. You want to do that because you want to feel successful.. and so forth.
Filter Negativity: No matter how much negativity might struck you just filter them out of your system. Make a block between you and that negative way no matter what form it comes in.
Turn things to your advantage: You have this thing that you don't like? Turn it into your advantage. I wasn't able to go to some place for example I took it to my advantage and wrote a story of how I idealized that place.

Go through these points and I'm (inshAllah) sure to make you motivated.

-An ex-patient on the go.

Summer's list Item #28. Invent a dessert dish. (CROSSED)

2011-08-01T16:24:00.000+03:00

When I thought of making up a dessert (From my Summer's List) all I thought about is : What will I would like to taste?
What is it that I want in a dessert?
So actually it's not called inventing as it called making a perfect combination of what I want.
What I want? let's see I wanted: creamy, biscuity, chocolaty, and last but not least fruity (lately I've liking my dessert fruity. A new phase I'm in to.) I also wanted the dessert to be simply and quickly made with barely any effort to put in.

Digestive Biscuits (Biscuity CHECK)
Chocolate Chips (Chocolaty CHECK)
Frozen Blackberries (Fruity CHECK)
Whipped Cream (Creamy CHECK)
Believe it or not these are the only ingredients I used aside from a little sugar and water.
and the result was:

How did I do it? Easy...
Whip your whip cream
Melt your chocolate

And combine them together

Take your frozen blackberries put it on the stove and add a little sugar and water to it and wait for it to condense.

Crush your biscuits into fine sand..
And start layering
Crushed biscuits

Cream

Biscuits

And so forth
Then top it with a blackberry or two

Eat it right away while the cream is still fluffy and the blackberry is still hot I tried it both ways cold and hot let's say hot is waaaaaay better. Even the cream itself it's better not cold or put in a fridge. It's more tasteful with it's oozy texture.

-An ex-patient on the go.

Why I Hate Social Gatherings..

2011-08-01T01:20:00.001+03:00

I am often am found weird because I like to be alone and I hate going to social gatherings and when I do go it's all a force of obligations or duty. I much rather stay at home (well I much rather stay at home then doing most of the stuff people do around here).
Here is the reason why I hate gatherings:
First as naturally as a girl I am, I'm expected to put on make up ( I hate make up) so if it's a little gathering I try to to finish up as fast as I can smudge a little eye pencil with mascara and cover the black bags under the eyes, a little blusher and a light lipstick. If I've gotten lucky and didn't get smeared with any of those I get done by about 15-20 minutes (if it was a bigger occasion it would take more time and I would reach the 8ima of the e7ba6!). Now what? oh yeah the hair... what will I wear? .. etc.
A wasted time on looks that I really don't care I'd rather sit watching a movie or read a good book.

(After being met3asra from all this, off to the gathering)

Showered with a hundred kisses ( my cheeks ethba7oony, why can't we just shake hands?!!!)
and a thousand of shloning which reminds me of this video by our fellow vlogger Shitsawii

I sit and listen to the conversations or at least I try but all I could hear is a buzz going on it's like "YADA YADA YADA" then right there in the middle I could catch a word "9a7 kalamich" then "YADA YADA" all of them talk at once my ears are almost infected by the sound.
Ok Esperanza let's try to focus on a conversation: this side "Politics" (THAIM), the other side "Make up" (ATHYAM) another side "Clothes and shopping" (THEB7OONY BA3AAD)!!!

I give up on trying to listen and I just doze off in my dreams and clouds trying my best not to sleep. GOD I'm so sleepy, I usually stay up late why am I sleepy?!
If only I could take out a book and read.
If only I could take out a notebook and write.
If only I could just lay down.
If only I could use my time to a better benefit or maybe just watch a movie or ANYTHING better then this.

Ok, ok let's fast forward for an hour or an hour and a half later.
Still sitting no conversation going on and someone decides to open a conversation with me.
"How is college?"
"Fine great. Schedule a bit tight but everything is great."
"How is the doctors."
and the conversation goes on.
Me thinking: That is fun why do I hate social gatherings?? See I there is some good conversations that goes on. Shame on you Esperanza hating on such stuff....
*the sounds of a screech coming from a suddenly stopping car comes*
Someone interrupts and we are back to square one. I feel sleepy again time passes slowly.
OR (Rewind a bit to the screeching car)
The person I'm talking to changes the subject to something mortifying *GASP* like:
"Your face is full of zits. You should do this." please!!! if i wanted your advice I would've asked for it leave your advices to yourself!!
"This make up is very good... blah blah." why is that every girl has to be interested in make up? assumably I say?
Ok, Ok Esperanza look forward to something... Like what? Oh yeah like food!! I'm already having headaches because I haven't eaten anything in a while.
(Fast Forward to the dinner scene)
What's for dinner? OH NO IT's RICE! *Sobs* I can't eat rice ya3ny I CAN'T!!
Oh well let's look forward to going home and making me something to eat.
(sometimes luck does strike me and dinner isn't rice)

I go home and think what a waste of some valuable time. Laying down is much better then going to such things!
Being naturally an introverted I don't find myself with people. If it were like me and two others I'm fine with that, but really I don't get gatherings I don't find them amusing at ALL.

The weirdo has spoken I know, I need to stop.

-An ex-patient on the go.